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Marital problems?

happy asked: "Is there a site for women who are going through martial problems, or who have been divorced and can give me some guidance?"
Question posted courtesy of: Howie Carr
A1: *SexyLeo* replied: "your on yahoo answer why don't you ask us?"
A2: Mike H replied: "just ask your question"
A3: cookie replied: "guidence councelor"
A4: Valentine replied: "askwomen.com try it."
A5: dweezle replied: "www.smellytunaproductions.com"
A6: southopulence replied: "www.firstwivesworld.com"


What do you think of John and Kate marital problems?

Ginger asked: "If they were having marital problems than why did they go to hawaii to renew their wedding vows saying that this will let the children know that they will always be a family."
Question posted courtesy of: Global Warming Hoax
A1: me in avatar form replied: "if they are having marital problems why are they sharing it with the USA hmmmm"
A2: Sara replied: "I think maybe the hawaii trip was right around the time the tensions began (apart from the tensions that they've always had together) and they wanted to do something to get away from the marital problems but when they got home their problems were right there waiting for them. I really hope they don't get a divorce or separate. The kids just can't take that."
A3: Diamond replied: "i was asking myself that when i first heard that one of them were cheating.if they is, then they should try to work it out and try not to let their family,friends,and tlc get in it.you can't believe everything but i watch some of the shows and kate always be mean to john for no reason."


Apart from marital problems and loss of love life, what are the other setbacks of pornography and cybersex?

The Querier asked: "It's a common fact that pornographic addiction and sexual arousal on the internet via sex chats or webcam exposure leads to poor relationships in the real world, marital or otherwise. Do other disadvantages exist for such online perversions? Can you point out a few? Thank You."
Question posted courtesy of: Global Warming Hoax
A1: omnigamous replied: "computer problems are a disadvantage internet dropping out is a disadvantage also maybe the poor relationships were what led to the porn and cybersex"
A2: Nvrgvup replied: "Addiction, leading to even more perversions."


Good movies about marital problems that make you think about your own marriage?

Guru asked: "I'm looking for some good movies to watch that are about marriage and paint a real picture of the problems people have in a marriage and how they deal with them. I liked Why Did I Get Married and Fireproof. Those are the kind of movies I'm looking for. Any ideas?"
Question posted courtesy of: Islamo Fascism
A1: Lauren B replied: "dinner with friends~ look it up its a really good one! I will write back if I think of more!"
A2: Chad B replied: "Meet the Fockers My wife's parents are weirdly similar about the whole openness about their sex lives and it can get awkward, especially when they try to talk to me about it, lol."
A3: Amber replied: "I also liked Fireproof. It had real meaning to me. The Breakup is a good one with Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn. They are not married in the movie but it still hits home with married relationships."
A4: Ly Nguyen replied: "Click ! Beautiful movie."
A5: Sandra L replied: "i think i love my wife...with chris rock."
A6: Shades replied: "I learned alot about marriage by watching "the story of us". I learned that you fight about small things that do not really matter because it is hard to face the real problem underneath. It's gives you the women's perspective and the man's perspective."


How does your church help resolve marital problems in its flock?

Chris C asked: "Giving the high divorce rate this is a problem that even the Godliest Christian's are not free from. I am intrested to know how churches help their flock deal with this. What resources: this could be professional counselling, classes to learn commuinication skills, support groups, chats with the priest, peer group encouraging them to stay together, bible reading etc. If you can name your church as well that would be great. If you use bible readings what passages are most appropriate?"
Question posted courtesy of: Bill Ayers
A1: SSQ8 replied: "Dear friend Chris C, Marriage relationship is a gift to a mature male human being who accepts a mature female human being as lifepartner in their lifetime to live with each other to create a family bearing children into the generations of mankind on the earth, if you believe in God the Heavenly Father. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. (Holy Bible Colossians 3:20) Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (Holy Bible 1 Corinthians 7:2)"
A2: Kiltie Man replied: "Most use threats, leave your husband/wife for another and get kicked out of the church? Only repentant sinners are welcome here. Rather than using skilled professional counselors or developing communication skills, they avoid the issue by simply asking the couple to pray and read bible texts with vague exaltations on the value of marriage or commandments with little relevance for their real problem. Perhaps this explains why evangelical Christians have the highest divorce rates? The following statistics are taken from the Barna report, a survey of divorced Americans by religious affiliation: Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate) % who have been divorced Non-denominational ** 34% Baptists 29% Mainline Protestants 25% Mormons 24% Catholics 21% Lutherans 21% ** Barna uses the term "non-denominational" to refer to Evangelical Christian congregations that are not affiliated with a specific denomination. The vast majority are fundamentalist in their theological beliefs Religion% have been divorced Jews30% Born-again Christians27% Other Christians24% Atheists, Agnostics21%"
A3: Karl S, JPA replied: "In one of my former kindreds (you can call it a congregation, in all intents and purposes) we were supposed to deal with deteriorating relationships, were them friendships or romantics, in the this two ways: A) The Good Way: The wisest man/woman on the congregation speaks to the people with issues, be them couple or friends. Listens to their grudges, and then talks to both and tries to help them find common ground and ease the troubles. Ideally they would reconcile, and friends always did. Couples, on the other hand, not always will or should should reconcile, and they sometimes had serious issues. Then we tried to make their break as smooth and painless as possible, and to fight any feelings of anger and frustration they might have towards each other. B) Whenever the problem persisted, and no reconciliation/smooth separation was possible, we made a Judging. Before all the kindred it was decided the fairest way who should stay or leave if they were still enemies: (If a friend was a betrayer he should leave the kindred because that had violated the sworn brotherhood, if there had been mistreatment of a partner the infractor should leave and never contact us, etc.) If the case, with or without fault or enmity, ended in a separation where there were kids, or common assets, the kindred made a Judging, too, which was appropriately fair. Ideally, if none in the couple was into serious fault (mistreating or not providing for partner and kids), the case would end with both agreeing to remain amicable, have shared custody and a reasonable economic agreement. In case of a mistreated partner, we all agreed to testify in court if needed to crush the bad partner and leave him without custody and paying palimony and child support. I know I've written a long, uninteresting article in how to deal with personal troubles in a religious congregation, but hey! you asked for it!"
A4: General D. Ypsilanti replied: "People grow at different rates and in different directions. One might be interested in and volunteer at the zoo, while the other is a civil air patrol "nut" so they spend most spare time apart. When paths do cross, they have little in common to discuss. There is little inclination to cross over to the other persons area of interest. Although I used that illustration, it is much more apt to occur in higher education where goal oriented people are seeking ego satisfying career improvements. Life gets pressured and lived in a sort of short hand due to busyness which doesn't promote patience. A lot of well meaning .people whose lives have not yet unraveled often try to help. Although few professionals have a Stellar record of patching up relationships. I hear the divorce rate is about fifty percent. I just talked to friends celebrating their 57th anniversary over the 4th weekend. They have had some knock down, drag out fights over the years and raised 5 children. Their experiences have brought them closer together it seems. They don't believe in divorce so they roughed it out. Not everyone is willing to bend for their mate. Some people stay together for fifty years and hate every minute of it. Who knows what is best for someone else. Most of us do not live such wonderful lives that others want us for an example."


What do orthodox Christian couples do when they face marital problems?

Tom asked: "Do they just divorce, or do they take steps to preserve thieir relationship? Are there any biblical quotes regarding preservation of a marriage?"
Question posted courtesy of: Hillary Clinton
A1: ..a mrs... :) replied: "I'm not sure what you mean by "orthodox" Christian. My husband and I are both Christians and practice what we have learned in the Bible. God states that he hates a divorcing and that unless two people are getting divorced because of adultery, they are still married in his eyes. My husband and I have not faced any "serious" marital problems but whenever we do have disagreements we try to apply Bible counsel such as, listening to each other, do not be quick to reply angrily, be open and honest, don't hold grudges, don't go to bed angry, and so on. This has helped us to work out any issues and strengthen our marriage."
A2: Crystal LeeAnn replied: "Well, here is what is supposed to happen no matter if you are a Christian or not. Try everything possible to save the marriage. First, communication. If that does not work, then we go to our pastor for counseling. If that does not work, then we seek out a professional therapist. If that does not work, divorce is the last resort. So, separation happens to see if the issues are worth it or not. God tells us we are to protect the marriage as it is the foundation for a family. He set it up to work. That is why men and women are so attracted to each other and WANT to get married. He wants us to form that bond that is supposed to be unbreakable. That was the way it was not long ago. I wish it would go back to that and people would find more morals in themselves and self respect. Too many people out there that don't care if a couple is married or not. It is a challenge to split them up. Marriages are supposed to be worth fighting for and not just throw in the towel because he squeezes the tube of toothpaste in the middle and not on the end. There are many Biblical quotes for marriage. Genesis 2:18-24 - achieving oneness in Eph. 5:31-33 - achieving oneness in Genesis 2:21-23 - different roles, same goals There are a whole lot more, This is just a start."
A3: Marilyn P replied: "Malachi 2, 14-15 for one thing God is telling men not to commit adultery, to stay with his wife or his prayers won't be heard. God hates divorce. Forgive, stay in church, pray, and forget about divorce. I'm speaking from experience, my husband has been gone for over 3 yrs on his job,leaving me and our autistic son alone. I haven't divorced him. He'll be home to visit soon if he ever has somebody else, God will deal with him, it will be on his head. I've been 100% faithful."
A4: Harvest Angel of Wisdom replied: "If you're interested, this is a popular forum for Orthodox Christians, you may find more answers here... "
A5: upyr1 replied: "Orthodox chrisians will try to take steps to perserve the marriage- council name it. divorce is a last option- if you get realy strickt on it divorce should only be done in the case of adultury."


Should grown children get involved with their parents marital problems?

Goodforyou asked: "For example: parents are getting divorced. Both parents are telling their children EVERYTHING/details & the children really don't want to be involved or get stuck in the middle. The parents are saying they have nobody to turn to & their children "should care" The children are in their 40's & have families of their own."
Question posted courtesy of: Howie Carr
A1: Lela A replied: "Adults should keep their own issues between themselves and not place any pressures on the children..no child should be in the middle of adult issues"
A2: Sandra M replied: "No the parents shouldn't be dragging the children in the middle of the divorce. Tell them you would rather not know the details of their problems with each other that you still love them both, and that they are still both your parents."
A3: Play nice, children replied: "Honestly, I don't think it's appropriate. But if your parents need someone for support, *not taking sides*, you should be there for them."
A4: Cham replied: "The adult children need to tell their parents that it's STILL not their place and to handle their business on their own."
A5: Dude replied: "No, the parents need to grow up! Why would they want to upset their children and risk alienating them?"
A6: joe_fleeman replied: "Then listen to both sides and tell them the truth,even if they do not want to hear it. Or suggest marriage counseling."
A7: Lisa Rowe (NOT Lisa Cody) replied: "Tell their parents they have their OWN lives & to be adults & work it out themselves"
A8: middle child replied: "No and No! It's NOT fair to put kids in the middle at any age. Even if they are in their forties its still upsetting for them. The children care but don't ask them to take sides or talk badly about the other parent that's not there."
A9: Sue B replied: "NO, parents should not do this!! BAD, BAD, BAD PARENTS!!! Try and explain that you feel for them, you love them, but you don't like being put in the middle. You can at least let them vent but tell them your not taking sides and your not commenting. If they continue ask them to go seek a counselor so your not invoved, because you love them both!!!"
A10: Kavu :) replied: "No matter how old those children are...those are still their parents. Now they are independent and they dont even care. If they were still dependent on their parents I promise u that they would actually care. :( kinda sad"
A11: It's a sure thing replied: "In this case, no. No child, regardless of age, should have to listen to their parents turn on each other. If the parents have "no one to turn to", they can turn to a therapist. The children will always care, they just don't want to hear it."
A12: ouragon replied: "I told my parents quite bluntly that I loved them both and I was their child, not their therapist. That put a quick stop to it. They were beating me down. I should add, they only wanted to complain interminably. They never divorced."
A13: rosey replied: "I believe u should do what u want as an adult. If u choose not to be involved then don't . Have u ever thought to just listen sometimes no i am not saying devote ur whole life to their issues but its ok to sometimes listen u don't have to have an opinion or take sides. And if that is impossible do what makes u feel comfortable and don't feel at all obligated."
A14: Dr. Thomas replied: "This is a touchy subject especially with all of the different personalities, perpectives and emotions flying around. Keep in mind that divorce affects everyone even grown children and the grandchildren too. If your parents want to tell you all the details and drag you into the middle of it, then you have to make a decision. You must decide your boundaries - limit the amount of time and/or details that you care to partake. Make sure before you have another conversation that you tell your parent(s) that you have a life that you do not want to drag all this negativity into. What you may not want to say is that "You have a family of your own and don't want to get involved." This is because your parents (both sets) are your family and you will be involved. But, it's up to you how deeply you get involved. Keep your boundaries but don't alienate yourself from this unfortunate circumstance."


In Canada, does my Cuban friend risk deportation because of marital problems?

sweetjen asked: "My Cuban friend has just got married to a Canadian woman and has been in Canada for a month. His new wife is devilish and is trying to extract all the little money he is making from his new job. She is clearly taking advantage of him, although they did love eachother. Can he risk deportation because he has not been here too long? Can his wife request deportation? How long should he stay here before he could permanently reside here? What are the Canadian rules on this case? Thanks in advance."
Question posted courtesy of: Nascar 2008
A1: Sidwell replied: "Has the wife applied for PR for him? if yes then he may be denied PR status if CIC think that the marriage was not genuine. if not then he can stay up to 6 months from his first entry and then he must leave. If the wife has applied for PR status for him, then he needs to go to he police and complain about spousal abuse. If he is working, then he must STOP working, because that is illegal and then yes he can be deported. If she has not applied for PR then he does not have any choice. He must leave after 6 months. He CANNOT work or study unless he applies for a work permit or a study visa. And if he wants to study then he must apply to be accepted at a college or university first. I think he should leave Canada now and go back to Cuba or go somewhere else where he can live LEGALLY."
A2: leon7g replied: "If he came to Canada on a visitor visa to marry her, he would not have a work permit yet so he would be working illegally. If that is the case, he has 3 choices: 1. Stay with her and try go get her to apply for his PR and convince immigration it's a real marriage 2. Leave her and go back to Cuba 3. Try to get a job offer and temporary work permit although he may still have to leave to get his work permit issued If they got married in Cuba or elsewhere earlier and she already sponsored him to come to Canada and he came as a PR, he is free to leave her. His PR can not be taken away unless he lied to immigration at some point."


Who do marriage counselors talk to when they are having marital problems?

me for president! asked: "Or who do child psychologists talk to when their children are behaving like the spawn of satan? Any thoughts? Thanks!!! :)"
Question posted courtesy of: Louis Farakhan
A1: coneheadone replied: "Themselves,and they usually get bad advice."
A2: She's my darling,I love her replied: "They turn to Dr. Beer and Dr. Scotch"
A3: whitneymagnolia replied: "Other marriage counselors. Child psychologists go to child psychologists -- if they are smart enough to recognize there is a problem!"
A4: dont hate me cause im honest! replied: "i agree with conehead they will have to chat with themselves to get info."
A5: iZay replied: "they turn to Dr. Phil"


is it normal to have marital problems after baby is born? please help?

Jamia asked: "has anyone ever experienced this? i think i fell a little out of love when my baby was born, and our relationship is not the same as it was years ago."
Question posted courtesy of: Howie Carr
A1: redhead27 replied: "Very common.... you know why? Because your priorities change... its all about baby now, not much time to communicate with each other.... its normal."
A2: Hard Truth replied: "It always changes when kids enter the picture. The strong and committed stay strong and work on their marriage. Happy parents = happy kids. Don't let the added stress of parenthood destroy what you and your husband have. You could have a happy family and marriage with just a little work. It IS worth it!"
A3: Chris replied: "Yes it is very normal,My wife and I have a little boy that is 3 weeks old and this is not our first.It will get back to normal.Good luck!"
A4: mel2430 replied: "i think that it is just the added stress of a new baby. you could also be suffering from post partum (sp)depression. if there were no bad feelings towards him before the baby and then after the baby you dont feel the love anymore it is, i would think and emotional issue due to your hormones. of course your relationship isnt the same. you are parents now. this are just different"
A5: K D replied: "It's normal that a relationship change after a baby joins the family but it doesn't have to be for the worse. It is just different. Marriage is hard work and takes mature people who are willing to communicate and compromise. Staying in love is a choice. If you think divorce and running away is an option then you will end up divorced because it's a lot easier. Your child however, deserves way more than that."
A6: bada bing bada boom replied: "It shouldn't be normal but it became a normal practice. Many husbands get jealous when their wife's priority changes. Many feel neglected when the wife spends too much time taking care of the baby. If both spouses spent equal time taking care of the baby, then the wife wouldn't be stressed, tired and out of time."
A7: hotgirl88 replied: "YES YOUR JUST ADJUSTING TO THE WHOLE PARENTAL THING I GREW UP WITH MY GRANNY AND NANNY BECAUSE MY PARENTS SPLIT UP WHEN I WAS BORN AND EVEVRY DAY I WONDER HOW IT WOULDVE BEEN IF I LIVED WITH MY REAL PARENTS SO TRY TO WORK IT OUT FOR YOUR BABYS SAKE. DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVE MY GRANNY AND I WOULDNT WANT TO HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY BUT IF YOU DONT LOVE THE GUY DONT BE TRAPPED IN A LOVELESS MARRIGE HOPE THIS HELPED PS IM ONLY ELEVEN I SWARE AND IM VERY SMART FOR MY AGE"
A8: tamara p replied: "i think it would be weird if you didn't have some problems. i was 17 when i got pregnant i was already engaged but i got pregnant then after our boy was born lots of stuff and then another baby and that made it worst but we made a promise before we got married to never go to bed angry and we have stuck to it and we have been going strong ever since then (6 years ago).... you should aways talk things through kids can tell when you are stressed."
A9: CHRISTINE S replied: "Yes, it's a given. You've now entered a really complicated area. Confide your feelings to your mum or your grandma or his mum or grandma. I'm sure they will be able to help. Also, it is important that you and your partner speak about the changes in your relationship. Don't forget he has feelings too."
A10: ?The Mrs.? replied: "Yes it is very common. There are books upon books about this. I think it would be best if you and your husband read some."
A11: Candy B replied: "yes i treasured my babies, the husband takes a back seat for awhile anyway."
A12: LucyLover2 replied: "Take some time to bask in the beauty that created that baby. The love you share with your husband may need a little kindling, but it's there. Love the changes your body may have gone through, feel confident, and spend quality time alone with the man who helped you make the newest love in your life. There is room in your heart for both people, just in different ways. I like to say there is a seperate pocket in my heart for each of my kids and my husband. In this case seperate by equal does work."
A13: KristenK replied: "Yes, a marriage is like a river. Rivers when young are wild and untaming (marriage generally is too), a youthful river flows fast and furious(like toddles through teen hood and youthful river moves quickly and in a steady rhythm in heading in the right directions (kids, careers, etc). A adult river is steady and holding it's course, so is an adult marriage. A mature river moves slower and a bit more purposeful so does a mature marriage. Somewhere in the adult stage things pick up and kids leave, you have more freedom. Hope this helps. Blessings That's my observation of marriages (grandparents, parents, mine)"
A14: Steph-->Devin's Mommy replied: "This can happen to some couples. For some people a baby changes things. When my son was born I think me and my husbands realtionship got better. He the perfect thing to come into our lives."
A15: tracy b replied: "Kid is a major adjustment. YES! Your more tired. You have more than him and yourself to think about. You talk about the kid all the time and he is still in adult land. You probably dont feel real good about your body. He really doesnt know how or when he can be with you cause kid comes first. He projects negativity on you for feeling left out of the loop and you feel hurt cause he doesnt understand how busy you are and you cant understand why he being withdrwn and then mean. In the end...he feels like he lost his wife and you feel like he isnt interested in you anymore...then through in some hormones...yes his too(men in 30's have a decrees in testosterone and start to question themselves and body changing. If you can get a nap in, put on some make up, dress up a little and get out of the house, or just be very husband focussed for a wwek or more, you might see him perk up a little and wonder whats up. Don't forget how girl freinds and trying on sexy cloths feels either, this will help you remember the girl you were before the life altering alien came to take over your identity and your marriage. Also try to remember exactly what it was like years ago. You may have just been too busy to notice the empty moments cause now you aren as busy in your own life but with kid. Try to talk to him about it and tell him you want to redirect your marriage away from boring family life and get out more. Some times if it has been a long time of this you may need to hang out with another couple till you learn to talk to each other again."